You can imagine the fireworks when the two collided! My mother’s family were not shy or retiring either. Give me some credit for that?I know.My mother’s family revelled in these two.I do. I think I have curbed that a bit, mainly because no one who knows me will argue with me anymore! People can be so cruel. O boy. The self that talks to you when you’re all alone, like Gollum? The “prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet” self? We all have those. I loved nothing more than a massive verbal punch-up.So dear people, looks like this is how it will work. I do remember going through a phase when I heartily disliked most of my parents’ acquaintances and it turns out that they possibly reciprocated.I cannot actually remember whether I toned my tongue or just stopped talking.Flare up at the smallest things.Does one get crotchetier as one gets older? Or mellower? Does it depend on how crotchety you were when you were young or how laidback? Is there any actual theory or just some meaningless nonsense that people bandy about because they want to sound knowledgeable?When I was in my teens, my mother and maternal grandmother cautioned me on my “sharp tongue”.

I was shocked! Fiery, me?Is fiery the same as a sharp tongue or does that just mean I have a bad temper. I never get which self. I will snarl at everyone who annoys me.It is true. I would, they said, put everyone around me off and no one would want to talk to me. I am trying. They continued with their wit, sharpness (o yes, much as they pretended that I was the one, I mean where did I get it from), humour, extreme judgmentalism about other people they didn’t like (ahem, I am much less like that than them) and so on. This will be exercised on social media.They also had an annoying habit — both of them — of asking people for advice which they didn’t really want in order to make those people feel wanted. He loved provoking people. She commented when I called to blow off some steam, “Yes I have noticed that you do snarl on Twitter”.Part of the reason could be the fault of Mad Magazine, which was required teenage reading in the 1970s. I say “whippety”, but however sharp my mind might think it is, my physical form is decidedly ample and definitely un-whippety. I can curl my upper lip from both sides.Some 15 years ago, when I was job hunting, a former colleague asked me if I was still “fiery”.

It is not easy. I will be all sweetness and light and powdery comfort in real life. My commiserations. I don’t buy this “mellow with age” malarkey. Some people can raise one eyebrow at a time. For me, almost all advice is gratuitous and unsolicited since I rarely solicit.However, I shall need a release. Scientific proof. And thus, I shall give space and freedom to my inner sneers and sharpness.The final blow to my journey to mythical mellowness came from my closest friend, who knows everything about me. Gak!My paternal grandfather once said that the great thing about people marine Pneumatic Tools old is that you can abandon all social filters and say what you like. Ah well, so much for that. Mellowing 0.Some powdery comfortable elderly type person, dispensing nonsensical wisdom with mithai and biscuits?Or a knife-tongued no nonsense whippety person. First of all, this grandfather pretty much said what he liked most of his life. Old sharp crone is my fate.Ah well. One issue taught the reader the “cultivated sneer”.You know, just trying to get some “self-awareness” all the influencers and “gooroos” tell us we must have if we are live out our days in a satisfactory manner. There are so many of them anyway.

Then they came home and made massive tantrums about the advice they had been given and the fact that they had been given advice.I have to admit here, if you didn’t already get it, I’m sceptical. And check where exactly I’m going and what I should be like.He just conveniently used the patina of age to be even more provocative!His two pet peeves were religion and the supernatural.. Be yourself, they say. I mean, they had asked for it!Anyway, I shouldn’t give away their secrets.I do this in full knowledge that some of us on social media are not even real people, our personas on social media are not us and who knows, the whole thing might just be someone else’s nightmare. Unless they’re too-goody-two-shoes in which case they may have missed out on the fine art of sneering.What I’m trying to say is because I’m going to hit 60 this year, (though according to Indian maths I am already 60), I feel I should do a character assessment.

Neither of my parents changed that much as they grew older. My grandfather always won because his punchline was when he asked for proof. Sharp, fiery, provocative and mad!I used to be a champion arguer as well.Okay I get it: self-awareness 100.I, um, had thought I was being “clever” with my cutting remarks. This will be almost impossible to do, but I shall endeavour in the interests of old wives’ tale perpetuation. I practised for hours in front of the mirror. Can you see the halo? I will sneer twice when others will do it only once. It was great fun. I mean that I was addicted to it. Provoke and hit back. But you know, people sometimes.I don’t mean I was good at it. But he always had a twinkle in his eye so you knew he was being wicked and laughing at the same time.I on the other hand almost never ask for advice, almost never listen to any advice I am given and ignore all suggestions to better myself that the kindly and helpful give me. I try to control it.Maybe it’s my genes.